This is from my book – Are YOU Ready to Succeed?.
The message is even more relevant today. Please let me know if you agree.
In Part 1, I explained how you create the world you experience from what is actually inside you and then you experience it as you have created it. Today I will explain how to transform the gunk you have inside you!
Peace!
It all begins and ends with mental models. As discussed in Chapter 2, you have a set of mental models about every aspect of your life. These models dictate how you act under different circumstances and how you interpret the events that happen in your life. Cumulatively, these models and your mental chatter have created who you are and what is inside you. There is much that is healthy and wonderful. There is also much that is painful and poisonous. It is time to get rid of the latter.
You can’t get rid of the bad stuff by deciding to do so. You CAN get rid of it by changing the mental models under which you operate. Healthier models generate more good stuff that will eventually blanket and suffocate the bad stuff. Try it for yourself!!
Here is a general purpose, all-inclusive, “This is the way the world works” comprehensive model. Try playing around with it and adopting it.
Model: The Universe is a conscious and benevolent entity. It ALWAYS acts in your best interests and ALWAYS brings into your life EXACTLY what you need at any instant. Think of a complicated trapeze act. The aerialist lets go of the bar and turns a dizzying array of twists and somersaults and, just as she finishes, the next bar is available for her to grasp. That’s how the Universe acts. The bar you need is ALWAYS available just when you need it. The choreography is both split-second and brilliant. The lesson you need to learn is exactly what you get at exactly the minute you need it. The resources you need are made available at the precise time that is appropriate. The people who come into your life are the very ones you need at the stage you are in. It is perfect. It has always been perfect, but you just never saw this. It will always be perfect going forward. All you have to do is relax and go with the flow.
Take a deep breath now. There is much here that is totally contradictory to how you “know” the world operates. “Balderdash” or something quite a bit stronger may be coursing in your mental chatter right now. Let it go and bear with me for a while. You will not regret it.
There are several things for the average reader to cavil at. First there is the notion of a “conscious” Universe and, further, a conscious Universe that is also “benevolent”. This is probably quite far from how you view things. At best you probably think of the Universe as unaware of your existence and/or indifferent to it. At worst, you see it as fiendishly malevolent and single-mindedly working to thwart you in every possible way.
Then there is the notion that, in this mammoth and immensely complicated world we live in, even tiny events are choreographed with you in mind. This is mind-boggling, even ludicrous. Also, this takes you into the “fate” versus “free will” domain. If the Universe is busy doing as indicated, then who are you and what is your role and what is your independence in that role?
There is a great deal of stuff that happens to you every day that you see as mildly good or mildly bad or just neutral: The paper cut you get while making copies at the office; the quarter you spot on the street and pick up; the soup that contains more than a dollop of your favorite vegetable; the colleague who expresses sincere admiration for your work as she retires; the satisfaction you get from taking up Yoga and finally being able to touch your toes without bending your knees; the sinking feeling you get each morning when you step on the bathroom scales; and much, much, much more.
There is little difficulty in interpreting the really good things that happen to you as a gift from a benevolent Universe – the promotions at work, the prestigious awards, harmonious family relationships and so on. But what about the really bad stuff that happens to you? The serious illness, the unexpected layoff, the untimely death of loved ones, the financial ruin and so on. How can these be reconciled with the notion of a benevolent Universe? Worst of all is the horrible stuff that happens to you and involves another being – possibly a young and innocent being. A young daughter who breaks her neck during gymnastics practice and becomes a quadriplegic, a son who gets blown up in a terrorist incident, a spouse stricken by Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease and so on. And, of course, to round out the list there is the large-scale human tragedy that afflicts so many parts of the globe. Tragedy that is caused by both natural and human causes and that involves large numbers of people.
All of these are genuine objections, and I will address them but, before I do, let’s get philosophical for an instant. Let’s assume that the model proposed is utter garbage and the Universe really does not care about you. Also, from time to time, it wakes up and actively stymies you with great pleasure. If you subscribe to this model, think of what it implies for you – the feeling of powerlessness, of vast unknown forces arrayed against you, of loneliness, of frustration and lack of control and so on. This is not a pleasant house to live in.
What if you believed in the proposed model? There is no loneliness because you are always being provided for in ways you cannot fathom. All sorrow is bearable because it, somehow, is for your good and your growth. There is no frustration because you are never being thwarted. The Universe is simply charting a different and more efficient way of getting you to where you need to be and you readily accept this. This is quite a comfortable and agreeable abode.
A few minutes’ reflection will convince you that, regardless of whether the proposed model is ‘true’ or not, YOUR life will be immeasurably improved if you could sincerely adopt it. And what if it really were ‘true’? What if the Universe was truly looking after your interests and, further, what if the more you believed this and were grateful the more the bounty it showered on you? Then the phrase ‘Heaven on Earth’ would take on a deeply personal meaning for you.
You CAN reach that place starting right now. In fact, you have already begun the journey whether or not you know it. All of the exercises in this book are designed to break down your old mental models and enable you to replace them with more functional ones that work best for your situation. The proposed model simply ties them all together.
Beliefs CANNOT be forced: You cannot force yourself to adopt the proposed model. You may recognize intellectually that it is a good idea but you cannot therefore automatically accept it.
Further, this model will be most helpful to you when you are under severe stress and dealing with the downside of the vicissitudes that life has a habit of tossing at you. That is precisely the time when you cannot begin working with the model. You have to learn surfing and be pretty good BEFORE you can tackle the twenty-foot wave that comes your way. It’s good to eat healthy and exercise. But you cannot run a marathon when you are three days into your new regimen. You can run a marathon AFTER you have been doing it for a while and have built up your stamina with many practice runs.
It’s the same way with the proposed model. You cannot simply accept all of it at once. You have to work diligently at it and it may take quite a while. However, the benefits begin immediately and they rapidly become so great that it would be singularly foolish for you to shy away from the effort involved.
So what should you do?
You actively consider other perspectives and change what you focus on. You have already had some experience with this. The creating miracles exercise in Chapter 6 and the Good Thing, Bad Thing fable in Chapter 7 are examples.
Begin small and begin with your own personal history. Can you recall instances in your life where something happened that you initially labeled as terrible but it later opened up wonderful vistas? One of my students recalled that he desperately wanted an investment banking summer job but was sick and in the hospital when the firms came to campus to recruit. He didn’t have any job when summer started and was quite depressed. A friend of his father, a surgeon, was going to one of the remotest and most poverty stricken parts of Africa and invited him to tag along. With nothing better to do, he did.
For the first time in his life he faced grinding deprivation and did without the ‘necessities’ of life like electricity and running water and indoor toilets. He also directly touched the lives of many persons and experienced sincere and primal gratitude. He returned to Africa the next summer and then did a stint in the Peace Corps after graduation. His concept of what constitutes a fulfilling job changed and he traversed a very different path from the one he imagined he would. He became deeply grateful for the illness that kept him out of the interview circuit that spring.
They may not be quite as dramatic or clear-cut but there are many such instances in your life. Identify each one and WRITE IT DOWN. Writing it down is extremely important. You will not succeed in this endeavor if you do not make constant notes. The act of writing it down reinforces it in your mind. The written record gives you a means of going back to the incidents and noting how many there are. Both are crucial. When you have such a list it is ever so much easier to go back to each one and live it again and it is this re-creation that anchors it inside you. Get yourself a pocket-sized diary and always carry it and a pen around with you.
Particularly look for instances where a ‘hidden hand’ saved you from disaster. Three friends – all immigrants – lived together in New Jersey and commuted together to their jobs in New York. One day as they were scrambling to get on a crowded train a fat lady pushed through and cut one of them off. He cursed at the delay because he was behind on his project. It was September 11, 2001 and all of them worked on one of the higher floors of the World Trade Center. He never made it to his office and he never saw his friends again. There are, once again, many such instances in your life though probably not ones as amazing. Note each one down.
LOOK for more such events in your life going forward. DO NOT be in a hurry to label something that happens to you as ‘terrible’. Read the story in Chapter 7 again. Think of ways in which whatever happened might actually be a wonderful thing for you. Be fully prepared to act when you identify some path that might be opening up to you. Numerous attendees of my seminars have reported that common misfortunes like being fired from a job, the end of a relationship, unexpected illnesses and so on led them to unexpected, but eventually more fulfilling, paths. Expect this to be true for you.
Gently entertain the possibility that the Universe really IS looking out for you. Maybe yes, maybe not. Who knows? But try to be open to the possibility and always look for evidence to support it. Discard other evidence. Maybe the Universe WAS really supporting you but you just didn’t recognize it.
Do this sincerely and you will be amazed at how many instances you find worth recording in your diary. Fill the pages and keep reviewing them. Do this at least once a day. As the notebook starts filling up and you keep reviewing it, you WILL come to a turning point. For some it will be a sharply defined turning point. For others it will be so gradual that they will know it only in hindsight. But you WILL get there if you have been diligent in both the observation and the recording of the observation.
At that turning point you will become acutely aware of the sheer number of instances where it seemed as if the Universe was working with and for you and in your best interests. You will seriously doubt that all of them could have happened by accident, that all of them were ‘coincidences’. For the first time it becomes easier to think of a conscious Universe that is helping you than in an improbable string of fantastic happenstances.
This is the time for you to redouble your efforts. Do not slack off at this point because, if you do, you will easily give up all the ground you have gained and then some. Become more active, a lot more active, in terms of trying to see the hidden gifts in all the ‘misfortunes’ that come your way. It will become easier and easier as you gain practice.
It would be super if you acquired a copy of my book Are YOU Ready to Succeed and practiced the exercises. Trust me, you will benefit!
In Part 3 of this blog I show you how it all comes together and share an instructive parable.
See you next week!
Peace!
