I was having a conversation with Frank. That is not his real name, but the person is a composite and he is very real.
Frank was feeling lost and quite disheartened. His boss, always unreasonable, had given him a project with an impossible deadline. He had also hinted that if Frank ‘was not up to it’ then he might be better off somewhere else. His wife had been distant for some time. She felt that he was not ‘giving her the space’ she needed. She had hinted divorce but not explicitly stated she wanted one. His daughter was rebellious and threatening to drop out of school and run off with her most unsuitable boyfriend. His golf game had deteriorated, and he had gone from a handicap of 15 to more than 30. His best friend had sidestepped an invitation to go for a beer and hang out. He heard from other sources that this friend thought he was a ‘downer’ and not much fun to be with.
Can you relate to Frank and his trouble?
Let me give you a different way to think about this.
Let’s say I am a county executive and you are a civil engineer. I call you to my office and tell you that I would like you to build a road from Point A to Point B. Between these two points there is a mountain, a forest and a swamp.
Do you get angry at the mountain, the forest and the swamp?
Of course not. That is the terrain you have been given, and it is your skill as a civil engineer that will get that road built. You decide whether to go over the obstacles, or under, or through, or around them.
If the mountain is made of granite and the swamp is really deep, you may think of jacking up your fees. Apart from that, these obstacles do not bother you. They certainly do not affect your emotional wellbeing.
In exactly the same way you are the civil engineer of your life. You have to build the road to a fulfilled, meaningful life filled with joy every day.
And the problem people in your life? They are the forests, the mountains and the swamps. You don’t get angry at them. You just figure out how to get that road built.
So, when you are feeling overwhelmed like Frank, just ask yourself, “Am I being a civil engineer?”
Resolve to be a civil engineer. Don’t be a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
The full quote by George Bernard Shaw is given below.
Peace!
“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment; and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” – George Bernard Shaw
